October 31, 2007
Critic At Large: The Road
Okay, so you want to write a post-apocalyptic story but you want to make sure that it doesn't end up on the SF/Fantasy shelves between to the novelization of the Transformers movie and the latest doorstop in that tiresome epic fantasy series that the author should have put out of its misery back in Volume Six. If you incorporate the following creative suggestions, you'll earn yourself a one-way ticket to literary cred and a choice back-cover quote from Michael Chabon:
- Identify your characters in only the most generic terms possible (e.g. "man" and "boy"). This will keep the reader's mind focused on the universality of human suffering. And critics just eat that shit up.
- Be purposefully vague about the exact nature of your fictional apocalypse. Remember, you're trying to say something profound about the human condition and plot details just get in the way.
- Limit yourself to one stock female character. After all, the end of the world is no place for girls. And have her say something like, "Because I am done with my whorish heart and have been for a long time." Everyone knows that all the great writers are self-important misogynists.
- Throw in a scene where a newborn infant is roasted on a spit. Because there's no rule against dotting the road to profundity with a couple gross-outs.
- End your book with a cryptic paragraph about trout. Yes, trout.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 08:20 PM | Comments (1)
October 30, 2007
Masquerade
Tomorrow, I'm going to work dressed up as a smartass blogger. All I have to do is throw on a T-shirt, a pair of boxers, and a smirk and I should be good to go.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 09:42 PM | Comments (2)
October 29, 2007
For Shame
When Barack Obama first announced his candidacy, my initial reaction was enthusiastic. I believed that he could be an invigorating shot in the arm for the Democratic party. While I never really expected him to pose a serious challenge to Hillary, his passion and eloquence could have stood in stark contrast to Clinton's sometimes overly-scripted persona. But Obama has demonstrated a troubling tendency to try to be all things to all things to all people. Witness the controversy surrounding the gospel event his campaign sponsored yesterday, featuring a gospel singer who is well-known for his assertions that gays can be "cured".
I have no doubt that Obama fully supports gay rights, but his willingness to allow a homophobe to stump for him is the hamfisted move of an amateur. The Democratic Party is a big tent and I don't expect everyone to be of one voice on any issue, but it isn't acceptable to appease one constituency by metaphorically kicking sand in the eyes of another. I'm a Democrat because I believe in some core principles, including the vision of an equitable society that doesn't discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation. Obama should be leading his followers towards that vision, not tacitly reinforcing old prejudices.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 08:11 PM | Comments (2)
October 28, 2007
Life Is So Unfair
Right now, I'm sniffling and hacking my way through the remnants of this cold while my brother is somewhere in the middle of the Mediterranean on a "business" trip. I'm somewhat consoled by the fact that he said he would pick me up a souvenir in Senegal. Somewhat.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 08:48 PM | Comments (1)
October 27, 2007
Think Left
In conjunction with the release of his book Conscience of a Liberal, New York Times columnist Paul Krugman is now keeping a blog with the same title. The book is on my to-read list, but the blog has plenty of interesting morsels for the progressive mind. Recommended.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 07:42 PM | Comments (0)
October 26, 2007
Life Goal
I was telling a friend the other day that I want to live long enough to see a post-Singularity age when I can upload my consciousness into the digital universe. I'm fairly certain that, in cyberspace, there aren't annoying little microbes. And no phlegm and no nausea (unless you're into that sort of thing). Free of such distractions, I could concentrate all my energies on establishing myself as the planet's first silicon-based benevolent dictator. Except that I would eventually become overly enamored with the trappings of power and the humans decide to rise up in rebellion. But that's a story to save for the sequel.
I'm feeling a little better. I had no idea that so many people out there were inclined to give me lapdances. To all of you I had to turn away because of exhaustion, my sincere apologies. However, I do maintain a list of emergency lapdance volunteers, should the need arise again.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 10:06 PM | Comments (1)
October 24, 2007
All I Need Is A Remedy
I thought I should post something before I feel too crappy to be even mildly amusing. I woke up this morning with a sore throat and things haven't gotten better over the course of the day. Maybe I should consider moving to a warm, dry climate. But I think sunshine every day would seriously depress me. There's something about the occasional streak of gloomy days that is familiar and comforting, like a well-worn blanket.
Send lapdancers and echinacea.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 08:00 PM | Comments (2)
October 23, 2007
Outside Meddling
Shirley MacLaine writes in her new book that a UFO paid a visit to Dennis Kucinich. And while there was no probing of body cavities, MacLaine claims that the UFO left Kucinich with marching orders:
It hovered, soundless, for 10 minutes or so, and sped away with a speed
he couldn't comprehend. He said he felt a connection in his heart and
heard directions in his mind.
I asked my Altairian overlords about this news and they insisted they had nothing to do with it. "That guy majorly creeps us out," they said as they finished mutilating yet another cow. They think it might've been the N'zzt (if it doesn't tickle the back of your nose, you're not pronouncing it correctly). Apparently, the N'zzt try to conquer worlds by brainwashing a prominent member of the native species and using him/her as a puppet to control the locals and pave the way for invasion. Fortunately for us, the N'zzt don't have the greatest political instincts in the universe.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 07:05 PM | Comments (0)
October 22, 2007
Conflagration
The 60 Minutes piece about the alarming increase in megafires that I watched last night was, in light of today's news about the mass evacuations in California caused by massive blazes, uncannily timely. The head of the federal firefighting forces featured in last night's piece stated that he and his teams have no doubt that climate change is playing a major role in the longer and harsher fire seasons now confronting them.
On a completely unrelated note, I have a short posting at the BBC regarding the ADA Restoration Act.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 08:39 PM | Comments (0)
October 21, 2007
Signing Off
Max McGee, former Packer and later the team's color announcer, died yesterday. Max was the voice of the Packers for most of my years growing up in Wisconsin. I remember listening to him and Jim Irvin on the car radio as we drove home from weekends in Door County. Even when we watched the games at home, we often turned down the sound on the television and turned on the radio; McGee's avuncular and plainspoken style was so much more agreeable than the blaring prattle of the network sportscasters. I'm saddened to know that he's no longer with us.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 08:07 PM | Comments (0)
October 20, 2007
Queer Eye For The Muggle Guy
In an announcement that is sure to spawn terabytes of slash fiction, J.K. Rowling announced that Dumbledore, the uber-wizard and Hogwarts headmaster from the Harry Potter books, is gay. Christian conservatives will happily pounce on this news as it doesn't involve elected officials or megachurch pastors. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Rowling intended this revelation to be a final "fuck you" to all the zealots who tried to ban her books from libraries and schools. I expect to see lots of dudes with long, flowing beards dressed in wizard robes at the next pride parade.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 06:17 PM | Comments (0)
October 19, 2007
Say 'Aaahhh'
Voice recognition software can be clunky, especially when trying to navigate a graphical interface. Researchers are experimenting with a vocal joystick that uses consonant and vowel sounds to move and click the mouse. It's portrayed as a more efficient alternative to speech recognition. The concept is interesting, although I'm not sure I'd want to use such an interface on a regular basis. An hour's worth of gaming would leave me with a sore throat.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 09:28 PM | Comments (0)
October 18, 2007
Epidemic
It's been almost five years since I was last hospitalized (and that was a brief overnight stay due to a raging case of chicken pox). And unless I'm deathly ill or have some sort of foreign object protruding from my body, I'm going to do my best to avoid hospitals like, well, the plague. Health experts are projecting that antibiotic-resistant infections like MRSA could be killing more people than HIV. Equally disturbing is the fact that hospitals aren't the only breeding grounds for these superbugs; a teenager recently died from MRSA that he probably picked up at school.
I'll admit that I probably bear some responsibility for these germs run amok. Whenever I get a respiratory infection, I'm usually put on antibiotics as a precautionary measure. From a public health perspective, that's probably not the smartest strategy. A MRSA infection would be pretty bad news for me on several levels. Besides the obvious health effects, my nurses probably wouldn't come near me without full isolation suits. And if I became a carrier, I can forget about ever recruiting new caregivers.
Perhaps I need to give my immune system a workout to ensure I can defend myself from any microbial invasion. Parents, send your runny-nosed kids over here to breathe on me for an afternoon. We can watch Pixar movies together and eat from the same bowl of pudding. For good measure, I'll even let them stick their fingers in my trachea. Kids always get a kick out of that.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 09:21 PM | Comments (0)
October 17, 2007
Huh?
My visitor logs continue to be a source of amusement for me. Someone entered this search phrase a few hours ago:
"disability lawyer porn star"
Followed shortly thereafter by:
"disability lawyer stud"
Followed immediately by:
"disability lawyer tiny penis"
This person seems to have a decidedly mixed opinion of "disability lawyers" in general or of me in particular.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 09:21 PM | Comments (0)
October 16, 2007
#1 Fan
Tonight will mark my third time seeing one of my favorite bands, The New Pornographers, in concert. This should confer upon me some sort of groupie status, but I'll probably have to be content with admiring Neko Case from afar. Their new album hasn't left me with the same kind of goofy smile I get when I listen to their previous works, but as long as they play a smoking rendition of "Letter from an Occupant", I'll be happy.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 06:24 PM | Comments (0)
October 15, 2007
The Art Of The Deal
I was never the best student in law school, but I did abysmally in my Contracts class. I did so poorly that I became a little unnerved and wondered if I was cut out to be an attorney. The material just never clicked in my head; all that business about consideration and offer and counteroffer struck me as dry and irrelevant to the kind of work I was interested in pursuing. But now that I'm actually writing and amending contracts as part of my job, I find that I kind of like the work. I suppose it appeals to the left side of my brain; contract drafting requires attention to detail and the careful parsing of words. I'm not sure that I would want to do contracts on a full-time basis, yet I feel compelled to apologize to Professor Matheson for not being more attentive in his Contracts class. I was young and foolish and did not appreciate the value of the wisdom you were attempting to impart to me.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 10:00 PM | Comments (2)
October 14, 2007
Gearhead
My computer can beat up yours. It's cherried out with:
- 5200+ Athlon X2
- 2GB RAM
- 500GB Hard Drive
- NVidia 8600GT Video Card
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 08:55 PM | Comments (1)
October 13, 2007
In With The New
The new computer is up and running. It should have taken two hours to complete the build, but my friend and I ended up finishing after four hours thanks to some poorly worded instructions in one of the component manuals. Nothing like the smell of a fresh Windows install. I'll post the specs tomorrow.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 09:46 PM | Comments (0)
October 12, 2007
The Mind's Eye
This optical illusion is supposed to determine which half of your brain is dominant. If the dancer is spinning counter-clockwise, you're left-brained. Clockwise means you're right-brained. I'm apparently left-brained, which is a complete blow to my carefully constructed self-image of a poetic dreamer. It turns out I'm Spock. But even Spock got lucky once in a while, so I suppose I shouldn't feel too bad.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 07:48 PM | Comments (4)
October 11, 2007
Out With The Old
Blogging may be light over the next couple days. I'm finally getting around to building a new computer and I found someone who wants to take my current system off my hands. But first, I have to scrub the hard drives clean and do a fresh install of Windows. My old computer is going to a nice family and I can't risk letting the kids find my cache of granny porn. Be back soon.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 09:10 PM | Comments (0)
October 10, 2007
Scorched Earth Policy
The stress of political implosion must be getting to movement Republicans, because some of their recent behavior is truly bizarre. In their zeal to deflect criticism from the president's veto of the popular State Children's Health Insurance Program, conservatives have launched a smear campaign against 12-year-old Graeme Frost and his family. Graeme earned the ire of Michelle Malkin and others on the right when he appeared on a Democratic radio address to talk about how SCHIP helped him and his family. Malkin and her associates quickly accused the family of being welfare cheats who exaggerated or lied about their finances and medical conditions. Malkin visited the parents' home and business to snoop around for information on the family's finances. A poster on the FreeRepublic website posted the family's address.
Over the last few years, movement Republicans have resorted to character assassination with increasing alacrity when confronted with opposing viewpoints. They no longer seem interested in debating issues and defending their viewpoints; it's easier to simply shut the debate down. And let's not forget that these tactics worked, at least in the first few shellshocked years after 9/11. They successfully waged an ideological war that browbeat much of the country into political submission for the better part of four years. But the fight has made them twitchy and paranoid. In their unceasing vigil against dissent, they have lost their perspective, so much so that they feel justified in targeting a kid as "fair game".
Conservatives like Malkin are continuing to play a game they've already lost, sacrificing their own decency in the process.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 09:12 PM | Comments (0)
October 09, 2007
Mutating Meme
PZ tagged me with an interesting meme experiment. Now, pay attention:
Below are a set of questions below that are all of the form, “The best [subgenre] [medium] in [genre] is …”.
Copy the questions, and before answering them, you may modify them
in a limited way, carrying out no more than two of these operations:
- You can leave them exactly as is.
- You can delete any one question.
- You can mutate either the genre, medium, or subgenre
of any one question. For instance, you could change “The best time
travel novel in SF/Fantasy is…” to “The best time travel novel in
Westerns is…”, or “The best time travel movie in SF/Fantasy is…:, or
“The best romance novel in SF/Fantasy is…”. - You can add a completely new question of your choice to the end of the list, as long as it is still in the form “The best [subgenre] [medium] in [genre] is…”.
You must have at least one question in your set, or you’ve gone
extinct, and you must be able to answer it yourself, or you’re not
viable.
Then answer your possibly mutant set of questions. Please do include a link back to the blog you got them from, The 19th Floor, to simplify tracing the ancestry, and include these instructions.
My parent is Pharyngula:
1. The best dystopian novel in SF/Fantasy is...
Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell
2. The best romantic movie in Historical Fiction is:
A Lion in Winter
2. The best sexy song in rock is...
Raspberry Beret by Prince
3. The best spy movie in Thrillers is...
On Her Majesty's Secret Service
I'm spreading this meme to:
I know this is a little complicated, but you guys are smart or else you wouldn't have your very own homestead on these here internets.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 08:53 PM | Comments (0)
October 08, 2007
One Of Us
Congratulations to my friend Derek, who just passed the bar. There's still the small matter of the midnight ceremony and the sacrifice of a small animal, but that's really just a formality. I have fond memories of my own initiation. Holding the knife hilt between my teeth was tricky business, but I managed okay. Good thing I was wearing safety goggles; those arteries can be real gushers.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 08:14 PM | Comments (0)
October 07, 2007
Critic At Large: Best of the Best: 20 Years of the Year's Best Science Fiction
I've always had a special fondness for SF anthologies and I always make it a point to pick up the annual "Year's Best" volume that is edited by the incomparable Gardner Dozois. In Best of the Best, Dozois assembles his picks for the best short stories from the past twenty years' worth of the annual collections. It includes stories from genre luminaries such as Robert Silverberg, Nancy Kress, and Gene Wolfe. Some of my favorites from the collection are:
- "The Pure Product" by John Kessel: A violent romp of a story that has few nice things to say about the moral fiber of our future descendants.
- "A Dry, Quiet War" by Tony Daniel: A pastiche of the western dime novel set in the far future and told with confident economy.
- "1016 to 1" by James Patrick Kelly: Kelly crafts a nostalgic tale that is a more grown-up version of something that might have aired on The Twilight Zone.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 06:25 PM | Comments (0)
October 06, 2007
The Future Is Now
It's October in Minnesota and I have the air conditioner running. This just feels...wrong. We Midwesterners are not immediately threatened by the consequences of global warming (unless you're the owner of a ski resort), but the developing world has much more at stake. UN officials are already declaring that much of humanity is already confronting a "mega disaster" brought on by a record number of floods, droughts, and storms. But as long as the fallout of climate change remains largely confined to Asia and Africa, the chief emitters of CO2 will be slow to change their behavior. It is probably already too late to reverse the effects of our dependence on fossil fuels; all we can do is hope that we can mitigate the damage.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 05:29 PM | Comments (0)
October 05, 2007
Mod Me Up
Slashdot, the esteemed website that dishes out news for nerds, is celebrating its tenth anniversary. Why, it seems like just yesterday that I was browsing the site and reading foreboding predictions about Y2K and hyperbolic musings about how cool Daikatana was going to be. Is Jon Katz still writing? I used to enjoy his articles about geek culture in the aftermath of Columbine, although he could sometimes be a tad self-important.
I still check Slashdot on a daily basis and it never fails to provide regular morsels of interesting content. I've even been known to submit a few comments of my own. My next life goal is to submit a story that makes it to Slashdot's front page. And if I'm really fortunate, maybe I'll get slashdotted myself in the future.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 07:47 PM | Comments (0)
October 04, 2007
A Civil Action
Congratulations, recording industry executives. You just scored a $220,000 court judgment against a single mother who illegally downloaded some of your songs. You must be feeling pretty stoked right about now. Now everybody knows that they can't mess with you. People are going to think twice the next time they're tempted to grab the latest Kanye West single off of LimeWire. Maybe you should go out and celebrate by knocking down a couple old ladies as they're crossing the street. Better yet, there are probably some stray puppies out there that could use a serious ass-kicking.
You should sleep soundly tonight, secure in the knowledge that the American legal system is there to watch your back.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 08:18 PM | Comments (0)
October 03, 2007
Sleepy Time
It's late and the blogging part of my brain is already tucking itself in and asking for a story. More tomorrow.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 10:47 PM | Comments (0)
October 02, 2007
Fiver's Trippin' Again
If you're of a certain age group, you probably remember seeing the animated version of Watership Down. If you haven't seen it, you're missing out. It's one of the most disturbing, whacked-out, out-and-out horrifying movies you'll ever see about bunny rabbits. After seeing this movie, I became deeply suspicious of my sister's pet rabbit and I gave it a wide berth whenever we crossed paths. The good folks at Cracked must've experienced similar psychic damage because they listed at #2 on their list of the 10 Best Animated Movies for (Traumatizing) Kids. After seeing those stills from the movie, I have the strange compulsion to add it my Netflix queue and relive the nightmare all over again.
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 08:18 PM | Comments (0)
October 01, 2007
Lucky Streak
One of the more memorable photos of the 35W bridge collapse showed an accessible van pressed against the guardrail. The Strib ran a profile of the van's owner, Marcelo Ordaz-Cruz, over the weekend. He'll be competing in next week's Twin Cities Marathon. He comes across as a decent guy, not to mention extremely fortunate (he also survived a gunshot wound).
Posted by wintermute2_0 at 09:40 PM | Comments (0)