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Greetings, fellow servants of the Dark One!  Much work was done today to please my Master, the Prince of Lies.  I took the day off from work so that I could devote all my energies to proper observation of the required rituals.  I was up very late last night, making the necessary preparations.  Do you have any idea how long it takes to carve a pentagram into a living room floor?  But I digress.  At first light, I instructed my nurse to arrange my body within the pentagram and I began the ritual chanting of the first three chapters of the Necronomicon.  Now, some acolytes will say that it is acceptable to wear a towel or even a robe during the Recitation.  They are misguided fools and they will be made to suffer in the stinking cacodemon pits that our Most Foul Lord reserves for His weakest followers.  One must be naked when the Recitation is given.  After all, how is one otherwise supposed to properly smear the chicken blood on one's body to conclude the ceremony? 

 

But though it may offend His Wretchedness, I must admit that my back is killing me.  Lying on a cold, hard floor for three hours may ensure that my Master rewards me with riches and willing concubines to satisfy my carnal pleasures, but what good are riches or concubines when my spine feels like it may crumble to dust at any moment? 

Hail Satan! But also, hail comfort! It is difficult to choose a master, sometimes.

WTF!!!!!! All righty then!